


I Like That Razor Tongue of Yours

by LadyLade



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 15:00:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4710188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLade/pseuds/LadyLade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Then Derek Hale comes back like an angry bitch-slap of werewolf justice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Like That Razor Tongue of Yours

**Author's Note:**

> Teen Wolf Kink meme prompt: Stiles is pretty sure that his type is bitchy. Derek is possibly the bitchiest person Stiles has ever met. (Original prompt is [here](http://teenwolfkink.livejournal.com/2069.html?thread=906005#t906005). Livejournal post is [](http://ladylade.livejournal.com/16539.html>here</a>.\))

Stiles’ crush on Lydia is legendary—at least, it _should_ be with the way Scott teases him about it. And, okay, maybe Scott has a point about Lydia getting fiercer and crueler each year, and Stiles liking her more and more each year, but that’s just because Stiles is a good person. Hell, Stiles is a _saint_ for loving Lydia as much as he does, despite the fact that she’s got the sharpest tongue _ever_. Seriously. In the fifth grade Lydia made their history teacher _cry_ when she lectured her about how the US _really_ treated Native Americans. (The actual information was horrifying, but Lydia was _awesome_.)

It’s in his freshmen year that Stiles realizes that maybe, probably, he is actually attracted to Lydia _because_ she is bitchy—no “despite” about it.

(This was not a fun epiphany, as Stiles was watching Will & Grace at three in the morning during the summer. Firstly, Stiles realized that he had a _hard-on_ —which, _really_ , Will & Grace? And then came the rest of the epiphany: He had a hard-on _because of Karen_. Sure, Karen dressed like a pimp and had some bangin’ curves (both of which Stiles can respect), but Karen honestly wasn’t attractive. At least, she wasn’t attractive until she started bitching out Grace, and then—well, then _hard-on_.

Stiles is pretty sure he has a legit problem.)

So Stiles’ type is…bitchy. Once he figures that out, he starts freaking out about maybe having a humiliation kink. He watches some porn, and that doesn’t answer anything. He thinks about Lydia insulting him during sex and—yeah, that definitely kills the mood, thank _god_.

Now that Stiles knows why he’s attracted to Lydia, it’s both better and worse. It’s better because now when Scott makes fun of Stiles about Lydia, Stiles can be all smug and superior because Scott is _wrong_. It’s worse because whenever Lydia says something particularly cutting or well-timed, Stiles wants to drop to his knees and say, “Let my suck your totally metaphorical dick.”

Okay, so maybe Stiles has a bigger problem than he originally assumed.

But Stiles is clever and knows what conditioning is, so he learns to control his totally inappropriate urges. By sophomore year, Stiles can be smooth around Lydia.

Then Derek Hale comes back like an angry bitch-slap of werewolf justice.

At first, Stiles doesn’t really notice how attractive Derek is. Yeah, he’s aware that Derek is definitely physically attractive, but apart from that one time when Derek slammed Stiles’ head against the steering wheel (man, Stiles is so messed up), both Stiles and Derek are too busy worrying about Scott and the Alpha for Stiles to find Derek attractive.

After the Alpha is dead, though, holy _god_. Derek is so bitchy that Stiles has a permanent semi-hard-on around then guy. Derek will say things to Scott like: “that’s because you’re whipped by your tiny girlfriend, you moron,” and “a homeless guy with a rusty wheelchair is quieter than you,” and (when Scott started yelling that nothing Derek taught him was working) “your own stupidity is starting to frustrate you, isn’t it?”

Even worse, Stiles’ own, “I’ll rip your throat out with my teeth” has turned into, “You may not have the mental capacity to understand this, but a conversation is held between _at least_ two people, and I don’t care about your day. Shut up before I rip your throat out.”

At least Derek’s glares stay the same. They’re just a _lot_ more attractive than they were before.

Of course, none of this is helping Stiles with his weird “I’m only attracted to bitchy people” thing. Derek is _even bitchier_ than Lydia, which is something that should be absolutely impossible, but somehow Derek manages it and now instead of wanting to suck Derek’s metaphorical dick, Stiles wants to suck his _actual_ dick. This is a jump that Stiles is not sure he’s okay with.

So Stiles tries to play it cool. Scratch that, he _does_ play it cool. Stiles is so subtle that even Straight Faced (That’s Really a Pout Disguised as a Glower) Agent Aaron Hotchner wouldn’t know that Stiles is attracted to Derek.

“That’s it,” Derek says one day, just as Stiles gets out of his Jeep. “Scott, go running—if you don’t come back sweating, I’ll kick your ass. Stiles, is there a reason you always stink of arousal, or are you just suffering from priapism?”

“Oh my god,” says Scott, and takes off faster than Stiles has ever seen him run.

“Oh my god,” says Stiles, panics, and then lunges for the safety of his Jeep.

“No,” says Derek, and he grabs Stiles by the collar. “We are going to talk about this. You are incapable of shutting up usually, I don’t see why now should be any different.”

Oh god. Derek knows. Derek _totally knows_ and Stiles is apparently not as subtle as he thought and Derek really _is_ going to rip his throat out.

“No no no no no,” Stiles says. “We totally don’t need to talk. How about I just leave and—“

Derek glares.

Stiles thinks, _oh Sweet Jesus_.

And then Derek flares his nostrils, and Stiles remembers that, oh, right, werewolf senses.

“You’re aroused again,” Derek says. “Why the hell are you aroused?”

Derek looks deeply suspicious, and it’s a new look on him. Frankly, Stiles likes it.

…Oh right. Derek asked him a question.

“I’m not aroused!” Stiles says, about a lifetime too late.

“The fact that you keep trying to lie to a _werewolf_ isn’t charming, it’s dumb,” Derek says. “Why the hell are you aroused?”

Stiles won’t say it. He won’t. He won’t because Stiles has an awesome amount of will-power.

“You’re just so bitchy!” Stiles says.

Well, fuck.

“I’m not bitchy,” Derek snaps, and yeah—

“That’s totally a bitch-face,” Stiles points out. It’s one _damn fine_ bitch-face.

Derek glares.

“Yeah, that’s not helping either,” Stiles says, as his semi-hard-on decides to upgrade to a full hard-on.

Derek’s nostrils flare wide and his pupils seep open and _oh my god_ , he’s still glaring and is Derek trying to _kill_ him with hotness?

Stiles may have just whimpered.

And then Derek is looming in front of him, dipping his head down and scenting the side of Stiles’ neck and Stiles is definitely whimpering now, but that doesn’t matter because Derek brings his head up until he can kiss Stiles like Derek’s trying to suck the noises right out of him. By the time Derek graciously allows Stiles to breathe again, Stiles is clinging to Derek’s shoulders with what little strength he has.

Derek smirks. “You’ve never done this before, have you?”

“No?” Stiles asks.

“That was rhetorical,” Derek says.

And then he kisses Stiles again.


End file.
